I felt bad.
I knew; I was cranky.
I was and am sorry…
Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the slight fever…
Sir, I was glad you complimented me; that I did better than before.
I wanted to smile and say thank you graciously.
But I could not… It’s complicated.
I did not feel that I did good enough to earn that compliment.
I should not think that way, I knew.
It is hard for me to accept kindness. I am sorry.
I knew you meant well and that you wanted to cheer me up.
I am sorry I reacted that way and did not thank you properly.
I should break this mechanism. Please give me more time.
And you know what, even when I still hate the exercises - the torture, the panting and sweating and the mosquitoes, I like the gathering, the support all of us gave to one another, the light chit-chat, the laughter and camaraderie. I really like it, even love it. It really touched my heart.
It never fails to bring tears to my eyes every time I think about the sincere support the other participants gave me. I really, really want to thank you all, for everything. I am not the easiest person to be with, but you guys were really patient with me. I hope one day I can give all of you the kindness you gave to me, the support, the laughter and the solidarity.
Some participants could not turn up for one reason or another, and in the middle of painfully doing the sets, I thought; why am I here? Why don’t I just pull out? It is not as if I could not just leave…
But no, even when I think about it, I know I will come, that I would not quit it, and that I would not leave.
It became not just me anymore, but the lovely people around me. I love you guys, please do not doubt that.
Love you.
This reflection has turn quite psychological, my apologies. I just could not help it. *grin*
Anyway, I am going to have a backache tomorrow, and stomachache, too. I can already feel the muscles contracting… (-_-‘’)
Ugh, stomach cramp. (-_-‘’)
With Love,
Lina.
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