I have been yearning for love, to cure this loneliness.
The bittersweet moments of waiting, hurt.
So much so that I have gone numb.
Oblivious to the constant pain, the unheard nagging ache.
There were dreams that have gotten close, too close, that I was afraid.
Endlessly running away, looking for a tiny little chance of escaping.
Escaping the pain, the betrayal, the reawakening of the haunting past.
Ghastly past that I am scared of.
Terrified of.
Reality shook me up, woke me up, who was shaking with fear.
Then it dawned on me; when you got no love, you can’t get betrayed.
I want to enfold myself in a cocoon, so strong that nothing can break in, or break out.
But all I can muster is a thin, fragile eggshell.
Cracked and broken countless times.
With frail tears my hands trembled, gluing back the sheer shells piece by piece, little by little.
When will I ever be free?
Free from the undesired alarm that jerk me away from familiarity.
Free of the haunting terror that yank my heart away from intimacy.
Somebody, hear my craving of help…
Tear all chain of anxiety.
Get me free.
So that I can wrap myself in the sweet sheer strings of love.
Shackle me up to the binding love of yours.
Lina.
