31 May 2013

No Matter

This heart is cold
Frozen
Trapped under a mountain of snow
Empty.

What are you complaining about?

The time has come
Force no longer works
Stimulation is useless
Nature, simply grey

Nothing left but frustration
Nothing left but fear
Nothing left but confusion
Nothing more

You should be grateful you are not crushed!

Aren't I?

Why?
What?
Nothing is clear any more.

Where am I going?
What am I doing?

You already have a plan, Girl!

Do I?

Why this mind denies?
Why this heart refuses?

You've got no backbone, you useless piece of shit!

Ah, maybe it is so

Maybe this soul was denied
Long ago
When the spirit was caged

Are you blaming others now?
The independence you're so proud of; where it is now?

Independence I so yearn

A mere limp bravado?
I still so yearn
Future looks murky so

I am being selfish
And maybe a little arrogant
Getting ahead of myself
When I know nothing is certain

When I should know better

Things have their own plans
I have been reminding myself
Yet my heart says no
Though my mind knows it so

Time is a scary thing
The urge to hurt gets stronger with time
The need to feel pain gets intenser
The ripping of soul and body gets crazier

The mindset is wrong, Girl; slap yourself out of it!

We are all barmier than we let known
And I don't mind
I just want to feel
I just want me




Love,
Lina.