Dreams To Duty?

For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind. -Dale Carnegie

People have been telling me to follow my dream.

And I am starting to think;

What is actually stopping me from doing so?

I want to be brave.

I want to do what I want.

I want to do what I want and bring back joy and pride of success,

And, more importantly, of happiness.

And then insecurities come hurdling;

Would people still accept me if I fail?

Of course I should not be talking about failing when I have not even tried.

Of course I should have more faith in myself.

Of course I should have more faith in my family and friends.

After all, this is not the first failure.

And there would be more to come.

(Touch wood)

Then again; once bitten, twice shy.

Do you not agree?

Failure after failure;

Being told that dreams are mere dreams;

Fairy-tales unreachable to a mere me…

Should I let that dream go away?

I should not be so easily swayed, should I?

I am very ashamed to make even that as a question.

How do you convince yourself of what you want;

When you feel incomplete?

When you feel like a missing piece?

When you feel inadequate?

Should I storm ahead regardless?

I need to talk.

I need to find a way.

I need to find a way out;

Out of this binds of insecurities.

But every time I find someone to say something,

It is like opening a dam;

Everything just gets poured out, uncontrollably.

Every feelings and emotions release themselves from the chains of restrain on my heart.

Nothing I say would make sense to anybody;

The throat would constrict and the words would get jumbled up,

The body would be shaking and the tears would not stop,

And then I would be too tired to even think.

I keep on wondering when these emotions will stop running like a mad hare;

When I can finally tell those who cares about me,

About my dreams, about me,

And telling them so with pride,

Because I know they care enough to actually listen and not judge,

Because I know they care enough that they love me regardless.

Is it not what we all want;

To be loved and accepted and validated regardless?

I want my dreams, dearests.

Would you care enough to not impose yours on me?

Would you care enough to let me spread my own wings and fly to my destination?

And would you care enough to still love me then?

With Love,

Lina.