My Crumbling Self.

I'm scared.

This is not what I want to be.

Gorging on food when I don't want to.

And despising my own self afterward.

Wanting to vomit it out,
wanting to throw it all out.

Like whomever in this world who has bulimia...
          Aren't they lucky?

I hate myself.
I really hate myself.

This facade of a good girl and all,
          I really want to tear it all apart...

I ain't a good girl...
I'm just real selfish, real conceited, real stupid, real foolish....

The stubborness, the selfishness,
know no bound...

If you can get into my head,
          you'd be appalled.

I don't want to pretend like I don't care anymore,
like I don't give a damn anymore...

Why can't I be like them, whom can freely express how they feel and what they want?
          What they want to be?
          What they want to achieve?

Why didn't I?
          Why DON'T I?

No...
I know why...

It's this pride,
this high-and-mighty pride.

I can't say it...
I can't admit it...
that I think I'm unwanted.
that I think I'm not loved.
that I think I'm worthless.

          This is getting sickening, girl. You're real sick. Disgusting.

          Shame on you.

          Oh, and did I tell ya that it's a shame being with 'cha? Good bye, and good riddance.



Even in the end I couldn't say anything...