Dear Eddy Ryan

Dear Eddy,



We don't know each other very much, do we?
But what little time we had, now salt to my wounded heart.
You took a piece of it away...

You brought solace and wisdom,
And fun and laughter.


You were so insightful and perceptive and strong.
I really loved talking with you,
about anything and everything under the sun,
or even in the cosmo.


I wonder, 
did you know we will be separated so soon?


I wish you peace, Eddy...
May my tears of love send you away...
Let my grief not bog you down,
but a remembrance that you are the beloved friend anybody could ask for.


Rest in peace, Eddy.






With Love,
Your little white wabbit.


In memoriam of Eddy Ryan, a beloved friend.

Earthly Love

How would you love?

So beautiful you can’t not touch him;

Making sure he’s always there…

Making sure he’s not getting away…

The strong pillar of your life;

You can’t bear not to break him…

To pieces.

Make him so broken he would depend on you for life.

The bird of happiness;

You can’t bear not to lock him…

In the same suffocating cotton cage he locks you in.

Nobody would ever laid eyes on him,

And he would have laid eyes only on you.

Making him yours and yours only.

Sharing him to no one but you,

Not even his family or friends,

Not even his past.

This is sickening, you say?

Love would be trusting that he wouldn’t go away even when the heart strings are loosened,

Love would be trusting that he will be there,

Love would be knowing you will be there,

For him.

Maybe someday we’ll all find a love;

Possessive enough to sustain us,

Trusting enough to let us fly…

Maybe someday…

With Love,

Lina.

Is This Camaraderie?

What have you guys done to me?

My chest will not stop aching and my head will not start thinking.

You can believe me when I say that this is my first;

Having a sense of belonging to those you can rely on, 

And know that they trust you enough to rely on you, too.

I know this is cheesy, corny, or whatever; but,

My feet will not touch the ground for the foreseeable future

And, ‘I like it very much, thank you’ does not even begin to describe how I feel.

Try, ‘overwhelmed with delight’.

Friends are like stars, they say;

And I hope even in the midst of bright city lights,

Or cloudy night,

You know that we are there…

This is all the sweet stuff, you say?

Maybe we would find more differences than similarities in the future,

But I hope we share a bond that is not easily forsaken.

I hope we are together because we have found those who would be willing to take the bullets for us,

Or to share simple gestures like share…

The dark part would be;

This is my first.

Dare I reciprocate?

Can I?

I honestly wouldn’t know if I am capable of being a good person worthy of this…

But I would have you know,

I will do my best.

I am deeply sorry if this sounds like pressure; to fit the shoes of solidarity…

I am deeply sorry if this euphoria is a burden.

I am just trying to find a way to express this restlessness in my heart,

And this is the only way I know how.

I am not very outspoken, sometimes…

 And there are things I usually left unsaid; but,

Tonight, I want to say it all here.

With Love,

Lina.

We are Parts of Labour Market

The market is specific, tight
And MERCILESS.

Gender V. Attitude

Female by birth,
Lady by choice.

Living Life

You have the ability to do everything,
And have the honour to do the finer things.

Return On Investment

Put your heart and mind into valuable return;
IMAGE, not fashion.

Living Life

You must be aware with what is happening in the world,
And be able to enjoy it.

Play The Game

People are punished not because of naughtiness, but because of ignorance.

Play the game knowing the rules.

Living Life

Let people do what they like,

You do what you want;

What is RIGHT.

Untitled

I crave human touch.

Lost

Where should one go when one crave comfort?

My Long-Lost Heart

I can't find a single answer for my motivation.


I realised then, and now, I have none.


This nothing-to-lose attitude is more a hassle to my yearning of vivacity than its worth guarding my heart.


Why can't I have one? 
What is lacking in me that caused me to not have anything dear to my heart; 
          anything that I would fight tooth and nail for? 


          Who am I kidding?
          'Amiable relationship'?
          What a bunch of nonsense..


But, it was not.
I really meant it.


What lacking is the motivation from me; 
What I want to achieve for me, 
Not what I want from others.


There is this, 


emptiness; 


The motivation from inside that I'm lacking, since long ago.


Dragging my feet living life, just because, 
Is difficult, 
Is making me lose heart, 
Making me give in to temptation, 
Many temptation. 


          Too darn many of 'em. 


The search of this thing inside has been futile, or so I've found. 
And why I keep on looking? 
Because I feel incomplete without it, that's why. 
And because I fear I can't function without it. 


Am I a person of temperament? I am afraid so. 
I would not want it so, you understand, if I could have chosen.
          Then again, maybe I would choose to be so.


Ah, we'll never end this discussion of what ifs.. 








Love,
Lina.

A Sudden Unearthed Impulse

Beneath this arrogance there is a desire,
to be owned, mastered over,
to be seized over; this very life, this very living,
to be towered over, 
          to be possessed to oblivion,

                    to nothingness but pleasure.

                              And satisfaction.

Beneath this prudishness there is a soul,
longing for light-hearted murmurs for the feelings,
for an embrace that touch the assurance,
          for an ardour that betray the senses. 
                    Straight to eternity.


Beneath this retraction there is a wish,
for somebody to pierce through this mask of haughtiness,
          to pull this charade apart.
                    And reveal what lust inside.


Beneath this strong façade there is a little somebody,
whom is wishing for a little gentleness,
          for a little gloved protection from the cruel world outside,
          for a little silky tie to return to,
          for a little feathery chain to hold on to.
                    For a little love for whom one is.






With Love,
Lina.

A Simple, Yet Complex, Gift.

"To love and to be loved is the greatest gift of all."

Looking For A Saviour? Look Again.

This cowardice of waiting to be saved,
          Waiting to be pulled to escape;

Will we ever break-free?

And then,
Take our own lives into our own hands;

Our own strong hands.

With Love,
Lina.

Mother

"Ku dengar ibuku berdoa,

Ada namaku disebut"

(I heard my mother prayed,

there was my name she mentioned)

This never fails to bring me to the verge of tears.

Always Loving You, Mom,

Lina.

Gets To Me Everytime

My first language is not English,
And I am not very good at my first language, at that.


Kindly do not brush me off.






Paralysed All Day,
Lina.

Love-Hate Relationship of Teachers and Students

We are human beings;

We are inconsistent, fickle-minded creature, just like nature.

When getting students to listen to them, teacher might say:

It is not about doing the assignment or passing the examinations; 

It is about gaining more knowledge for your life.

When students ask question, teacher could brush them off:

It is not on your assignment or examinations; 

Do not bother asking me about it.

If school is really a place to gain knowledge:

Is it limited to only what needed to get distinction in examinations?

Or maybe high distinction?

Are the students not allowed to gain knowledge beyond that, in school?

Where else could we learn, with a safe environment,

When the mind in school is not allowed to roam, 

within the boundaries of the subjects, 

in a worldly context?

Why would people get defensive and tend to brush others off when probed with extended issue of the matters on hand?








Love,
Lina.

New Year(s), New Me?

It's almost new year, and also Chinese new year.


Most people are thinking to stay beautiful after all the festivities;
          I'm thinking to get beautiful by then.


Such is when you have an over-anxious temperament.
*sigh*




Love,
Lina.