Denial.

Denial,
is a way of saying that it is too painful to acknowledge that there is a problem,
And an acknowledgement means that something has to change,
And change could be very difficult.


Love,
Lina.

A Child's Love.

"Kasih anak sepanjang galah"
(Roughly translated: The children's love is only as long as the pole.)


People often say how parents love their children unconditionally and endlessly;
          Have anybody ever think that the children might love the parents in the same way?


I grant that not everybody has that strong a feeling,
And thus giving the impression that there is no such thing as children's love,
Or that we, as children, love our parents because we need them.


My point is;

Can't we love our parents just because we love them, just because?

And then they have to say we can not,
          So we can not.
Ha ha. Very funny.


Whatever happens to 'watch your mouth' and 'ucapan itu adalah doa' (Roughly translated: Speech is a prayer) ?






Longing,
Lina.

The Big Question of Them Or Me.

Why does it hurt so much being misunderstood?
          Being treating as blitherin' idiot?
          By the people whom you thought would know better?




Or is it the way God, or whoever The Greater Being out there, to show me that I still have feelings,
          When I was convinced otherwise for a long time?


Well, You are doing a good, no, great job of it;
          I'm friggin' convinced.




Love,
Lina.

The Up and Down in Our Tumultuous Relationship

I might never be good enough for some people,
          Even my loved ones,
          But that would not stop me from telling you I care, my love...


When the times get so trying and frustrating,
          I might leave for awhile to regroup,
          But that would not stop me from knowing you care, my love...


When we are bringing out the worst in one another's,
          I might think I have never felt so miserable in my life,
          But that would not stop me from making us our cups of tea, my love...




Because we are we;
          Human beings,
          With our shortcomings,
          And of course, our layers of complexity.


So,
          Let's keep on loving...






With Love,
     Lina.

The Absence of Communication in My Relationships With Others

I was told that I did not contact others unless I need them.


Here is my answer to that:
          I think that waiting to pour my heart out to you when we meet again would make our connection so much more wonderful, so much more meaningful.




Love,
Lina.

Where Do You Draw The Line On Sharing?

Have you ever had something so valuable you do not want to let anybody knows?

I am not talking about money, or jewellery, or anything like that...

But,
          A certain someone, a certain feeling, a certain story?

Or does it have to be share and share alike?


Love,
Lina.

Never-ending Issue With Love.

Do you believe in marriage of convenience?
          Or, according to the current term; practicality?

What about 'love can be nurtured'?
          What if you find someone, in whom your love is 'natured'?
          Would you then leave your partner?

Is it love's fault?

Or is it us, humans, who are being too arrogant by doing the dictation in love?



Love,
Lina.

The Secret Affair With Food.

What happened before that guilt after eating?
          Fullness, extreme fullness of life.

Food, as a way of coping with life?
          Non, niet, nicht, NO!


Love,
Lina.

The Option of Life.

When crying is perceived as weakness;

what are we to do when violence does not even classify,

does not even make the cut for the tumultuous heart,

as an option?

Love,

Lina.

It Really Starts From The Heart.

In the few months when I started to put my foot down on my principles,
I noticed that I can feel more stability in my mental-self,
and when I’m mentally stronger I feel more tendencies on generousity.

Well,

What d’ya know?

By taking care of myself and taking stand in what I believe in (without having to force my belief upon others),

I’m growing my heart up.

And, nothing beats your inner joy.

Love,
Lina.

Living Life

Health

is a state of complete

physical, mental and social wellbeing,

and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

World Health Organisation

Living Life

When you arise in the morning,
think of what a precious privilege it is
to be alive,
to breathe,
to think,
to enjoy,

to love.

Living Life

If you are not actively involved in getting what you want;

You do not really want it.

Living Life

It is your world.
You are a shareholder;

Take an active interest in it.

This Course Of Life

Much as I loathe it;
          There is only so much I can do for you.
          There is only so much this dependent immature is capable of...

So,
What little I can hear; Share it.
What little I can see; Show it.

Because in my limitation;
          These little things are the only I can do.

So,
I am keeping myself healthy;
          So that I can be on my tip-top condition, not only mentally but also physically -- and I hope you would, too, because ''di dalam tubuh yang sehat, terdapat jiwa yang kuat'', no?

(''In a healthy body is a strong soul'')

I am already embarking on the journey to a better health for body and soul -- of course, there are lapses along the way; taking supplements, reducing food intake, getting more active brain and body a little bit by bit, and also getting enough sleep regularly (because bit by bit of 'paying up' just does not cut it for me).

Hopefully I can present myself to you at my very best,

          Especially because you know my worst, seen me as I am and are encouraging me to be better,

          So that I can, at least, reciprocate and give you my support now that I am stronger than I was.

Like how you encouraged me to do the right thing and be stronger,

          I wish to be able to together guide each other in this course of life in our journey to each be a better person and spread this love to the world.

Love,

Lina.





En Route To Be A Healthier Individual

I have discovered again and again, than I have little, or no, restraint.

I hate myself.

It's tearing me apart that pride gets in the way and I have no way throwing pride to the gutter.

It's like betraying my resolve, betraying myself.

Craving for more self-esteem,
Lina.

The Other Truth

What a hit upon the head, to be told that all those kindness and understanding were granted upon me to spoil me.
          Especially when, all this time, I thought you really understand.

What a slap on the face, to have you laid out all your expectation, without really asking what I want.
          Or maybe you did, in a passing.
          Or maybe, giving you the benefit of doubt, I didn't hear it.

What a kick to the stomach, to know that you think I am "strong".
          Have you ever look deeper?
          Or even try to?
          Delve inside my soul, mind and heart??

I was in total disbelief.
You could not imagine, how tempted I was, to blurt out what I felt; what was happening to me.

I have relapsed.
With this raging anger and constant foul mood, what I can expect?
         

How would you react, I wonder?
Would you kill me then? Or maybe now?


Loving you,
And hating you,
Lina.

What A Demeaning Situation.

One man's junk is another man's treasure.


But an act of charity was seen as a waste of resources.
          Just thinking about it makes my heart boils.


I did not, do not and will not donate my things just because I feel no more need of them, or because I can not take care of them anymore.
          The mere thought of it; HOW REPULSIVE!
          And to think, that the person I hold high and dear to my heart thinks that way; I am at total loss.

Never again, I hope, I make a mistake of talking.
          Never again, like you said, wasting your money; I'll just swim off the ocean, and you can save the money for my wake.
          A gruesome and rash thought, I know. Hopefully you understand that I need to vent this anger before I combust.
          But never think that this is just a one-off saying from a spoiled-brat.

With Love,
Lina.

Let's Make A Resolution!

Let's save on food / eat healthily,
so that all those money saved can be used to buy all those nice things you desire!
Namely bags, clutches, accessories and clothes!
And all other expensive things!
          Ah, my materialistic self...

With Love,
And Lots of Luck,
Lina.

Impending Loneliness and The Past.

If that is what will become of me,
I'll live.


This paralysing feeling,
you should know better.


This churning pain,
would you know?


You have such power over me,
I believe you understand?


It is a survival day by day,
waiting if you'll discard me like an old rag...
I believe you know why.


I will hold my head up high,
'til you be proud of me,
until the time comes when we rejoin, and rejoice.


I am not the kind to start,
I hope you understand why.


But I'll be here.


I'll be here.




With Love,
Lina.